200 RESULTS FOR: Mark Twain
If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
Mark TwainThe human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter.
Mark TwainWhenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it's time to pause and reflect.
Mark TwainPrinciples have no real force except when one is well-fed.
Mark TwainIn the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards.
Mark TwainWe are chameleons, and our partialities and prejudices change place with an easy and blessed facility, and we are soon wonted to the change and happy in it.
Mark TwainThe best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.
Mark TwainKeep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.
Mark TwainWe have a criminal jury system which is superior to any in the world and its efficiency is only marred by the difficulty of finding twelve men every day who don't know anything and can't read.
Mark TwainWork is a necessary evil to be avoided.
Mark TwainIt is better to deserve honors and not have them than to have them and not deserve them.
Mark TwainThe report of my death was an exaggeration.
Mark TwainGolf is a good walk spoiled.
Mark TwainWe had the sky up there, and we used to lay on our backs and look up at them, and discuss whether they was made or just happened.
Mark TwainI never let schooling interfere with my education.
Mark TwainSuppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of congress but I repeat myself.
Mark TwainThe man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
Mark TwainTo cease smoking is the easiset thing I ever did. I ought to know, I've done it a thousand times.
Mark TwainHumor is mankind's greatest blessing.
Mark TwainSome men worship rank, some worship heroes, some worship power, some worship God, and over these ideals they dispute, but they all worship money.
Mark TwainFiction is obliged to stick to possibilities. Truth isn't.
Mark TwainThe very ink with which history is written is merely fluid prejudice.
Mark TwainDescribing her first day back in grade school after a long absence, a teacher said, It was like trying to hold 35 corks under water at the same time.
Mark TwainBehold, the fool saith, Put not all thine eggs in the one basket, -- which is but a manner of saying, Scatter your money and your attention, but the wise man saith, Put all your eggs in the one basket and -- watch that basket.
Mark TwainOn his deathbed Death, the only immortal who treats us all alike, whose pity and whose peace and whose refuse are for all -- the soiled and the pure, the rich and the poor, the loved and the unloved.
Mark TwainLord save us all from old age and broken health and a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting out blossoms.
Mark TwainThe secret source of humour itself is not joy, but sorrow. There is no humour in heaven.
Mark TwainOften, the surest way to convey misinformation is to tell the strict truth.
Mark TwainMan will do many things to get himself loved he will do all things to get himself envied.
Mark TwainI was gratified to be able to answer promptly. I said I don't know.
Mark TwainLet us so live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.
Mark TwainIrreverence is the champion of liberty and its one sure defense.
Mark TwainIt is easier to stay out than get out.
Mark TwainI must have a prodigious quantity of mind it takes me as much as a week, sometimes, to make it up.
Mark TwainA lie can travel halfway around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes.
Mark TwainNever put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
Mark TwainLove seems the swiftest, but it is the slowest of growths. No man or woman really knows what perfect love is until they have been married a quarter of a century.
Mark TwainA verb has a hard enough time of it in this world when it is all together. It's downright inhuman to split it up. But that's what those Germans do. They take part of a verb and put it down here, like a stake, and they take the other part of it and put it a way over yonder like another stake, and between these two limits they just shovel in German.
Mark TwainLanguage is a city to the building of which every human being brought a stone.
Mark TwainNothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.
Mark TwainI've come loaded with statistics, for I've noticed that a man can't prove anything without statistics.
Mark TwainIt were not best that we should all think alike it is the difference of opinion that makes horse races. - from Pudd'nhead Wilson
Mark TwainIt is the difference of opinion that makes horse races.
Mark TwainI have a prejudice against people who print things in a foreign language and add no translation. When I am the reader, and the other considers me able to do the translating myself, he pays me the quite a nice compliment-- but if he would do the translating for me I would try to get along without the compliment. (A Tramp Abroad,1880)
Mark TwainGood breeding consists of concealing how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of the other person.
Mark TwainMany a small thing has been made large by the right kind of advertising.
Mark TwainWhen one has tasted watermelon he knows what the angels eat.
Mark TwainWhen we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.
Mark TwainWhy shoudn't truth be stranger than fiction Fiction, after all, has to stick to the possibilities.
Mark TwainYou cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
Mark TwainCourage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear - not absence of fear.
Mark TwainIt is by the goodness of God that in our country we have those three unspeakably precious things freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practice either of them.
Mark TwainHis ignorance covered the whole earth like a blanket, and there was hardly a hole in it anywhere.
Mark TwainIf you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man.
Mark TwainTruth is more of a stranger than fiction.
Mark TwainHabit is habit and not to be flung out of the window by any man, but coaxed downstairs a step at a time.
Mark TwainQuitting smoking is easy, I've done it hundreds of times.
Mark TwainA house without a cat, and a well-fed, well-petted, and properly revered cat, may be a perfect house, perhaps, but how can it prove its title --from The Tragedy of Pudd'nhead Wilson
Mark TwainI am not one of those who in expressing opinions confine themselves to facts.
Mark TwainI cannot keep from talking, even at the risk of being instructive.
Mark TwainA man with a new idea is a crank -- until the idea succeeds.
Mark TwainA man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way.
Mark TwainImagination is always the fabric of social life and the dynamic of history. The influence of real needs and compulsions, of real interests and materials, is indirect because the crowd is never conscious of it.
Mark TwainAfter all these years I see that I was mistaken about Eve in the beginning it is better to live outside the Garden with her than inside it without her.
Mark TwainYouth, large, lusty, loving- Youth, full of grace, force, fascination. Do you know that Old Age may come after you with equal grace, force, fascination
Mark TwainThe holy passion of Friendship is of so sweet and steady and loyal and enduring a nature that it will last through a whole lifetime, if not asked to lend money.
Mark TwainFriendship is the marriage of the soul, and this marriage is liable to divorce.
Mark TwainA classic is a book which people praise and don't read.
Mark TwainDon't part with your illusions. When they are gone you may still exist, but you have ceased to live.
Mark TwainIt takes your enemy and your friend, working together, to hurt you the one to slander you, and the other to get the news to you.
Mark TwainDo something every day that you don't want to do this is the golden rule for acquiring the habit of doing your duty without pain.
Mark TwainHe would come in and say he changed his mind -- which was a gilded figure of speech, because he didn't have any.
Mark TwainThe difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug.
Mark TwainIn religion and politics people's beliefs and convictions are in almost every case gotten at second-hand, and without examination, from authorities who have not themselves examined the questions at issue but have taken them at second-hand from other non-examiners, whose opinions about them were not worth a brass farthing.
Mark TwainIt's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
Mark TwainWhen I was a child people simply looked about them and were moderately happy today they peer beyond the seven seas, bury themselves waist deep in tidings, and by and large what they see and hear makes them unutterably sad.
Mark TwainThere are some books that refuse to be written. They stand their ground year after year and will not be persuaded. It isn't because the book is not there and worth being written -- it is only because the right form of the story does not present itself. There is only one right form for a story and if you fail to find that form the story will not tell itself.
Mark TwainI am an old man and have a great many troubles, But most of them never happened.
Mark TwainAlways do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest.
Mark TwainThere are lies, damned lies, and statistics.
Mark TwainIf Christ were here now there is one thing he would not be--a christian.
Mark TwainA man is accepted into church for what he believes--and turned out for what he knows.
Mark TwainKindness is a language which the deaf can hear, and the blind can read.
Mark TwainWhen I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.
Mark TwainLoyalty to petrified opinion never yet broke a chain or freed a human soul.
Mark TwainThere are times when one would like to hang the whole human race and finish the farce.
Mark TwainThe rule is perfect in all matters of opinion our adversaries are insane.
Mark TwainWork consists of whatever a body is obliged to do. Play consists of whatever a body is not obliged to do.
Mark TwainThe miracle, or the power, that elevates the few is to be found in their industry, application, and perseverance under the prompting of a brave, determined spirit.
Mark TwainTravel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness.
Mark TwainThere is nothing so annoying as to have two people talking when you're busy interrupting.
Mark TwainWhenever you find that you are on the side of the majority, it is time to reform.
Mark TwainFacts are stubborn, but statistics are more pliable.
Mark TwainDrag your thoughts away from your troubles.. by the ears, by the heels, or any other way you can manage it.
Mark TwainI am opposed to millionaires, but it would be dangerous to offer me the position.
Mark TwainI thoroughly disapprove of duels. If a man should challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet place and kill him.
Mark TwainA classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read.
Mark TwainAll you need in this life is ignorance and confidence then success is sure.
Mark TwainPessimism is only the name that men of weak nerve give to wisdom.
Mark TwainI don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell you see, I have friends in both places.
Mark TwainBy trying we can easily learn to endure adversity. Another man's, I mean.
Mark TwainThe man who is a pessimist before 48 knows too much if he is an optimist after it, he knows too little.
Mark TwainThe fact that man knows right from wrong proves his intellectual superiority to other creatures but the fact that he can do wrong proves his moral inferiority to any creature that cannot.
Mark TwainCold If the thermometer had been an inch longer we'd all have frozen to death
Mark TwainFew things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.
Mark TwainDenial ain't just a river in Egypt.
Mark TwainIt's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
Mark TwainWagner's music is better than it sounds.
Mark TwainCivilization is a limitless multiplication of unnecessary necessaries.
Mark TwainThe proper office of a friend is to side with you when you are wrong. Nearly anybody will side with you when you are right.
Mark TwainBe careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
Mark TwainNecessity is the mother of taking chances.
Mark TwainTo be good is noble, but to teach others how to be good is nobler--and less trouble.
Mark TwainTwenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.
Mark TwainStatistics show that we lose more fools on this day than on all other days of the year put together. This proves, by the numbers left in stock, that one Fourth of July per year is now inadequate, the country has grown so.
Mark TwainThere are two times in a man's life when he should not speculate when he can't afford it, and when he can. - from Following the Equator
Mark TwainOne of the most striking differences between a cat and a lie is that a cat has only nine lives.
Mark TwainThere is no distinctly native American criminal class except Congress.
Mark TwainProvidence protects children and idiots. I know because I have tested it.
Mark TwainThere is no sadder sight than a young pessimist.
Mark TwainTomorrow night I appear for the first time before a Boston audience of 4000 critics.
Mark TwainSome people get an eduction without going to college the rest get it after they get out.
Mark TwainGo and surprise the whole country by doing something right.
Mark TwainThe trouble isn't that there are too many fools, but that the lightning isn't distributed right.
Mark TwainReligion consists of a set of things which the average man thinks he believes and wishes he was certain.
Mark TwainWe are called the nation of inventors. And we are. We could still claim that title and wear its loftiest honors if we had stopped with the first thing we ever invented, which was human liberty.
Mark TwainThere is no such thing as the Queen's English. The property has gone into the hands of a joint stock company and we own the bulk of the shares
Mark TwainWe should be careful to get out of an experience only the wisdom that is in it - and stop there lest we be like the cat that sits down on a hot stove-lid. She will never sit down on a hot stove-lid again - and that is well but also she will never sit down on a cold one anymore.
Mark TwainWhat a good thing Adam had. When he said a good thing he knew nobody had said it before.
Mark TwainWhat counts is not necessarily the size of the dog in the fight, what counts is the size of the fight in the dog.
Mark TwainFew sinners are saved after the fiirst twenty minutes of a sermon.
Mark TwainBe good and you will be lonesome.
Mark TwainEverything has its limit--iron ore cannot be educated into gold. - 1906
Mark TwainEloquence is the essential thing in a speech, not information.
Mark TwainEducation consists mainly in what we have unlearned. - Notebook, 1898
Mark TwainDo the thing you fear most and the death of fear is certain.
Mark TwainGet your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please.
Mark TwainAn Englishman is a person who does things because they have been done before. An American is a person who does things because they haven't been done before.
Mark TwainAll schools, all colleges have two great functions to confer, and to conceal valuable knowledge. - Notebook, 1908
Mark TwainAgainst the assault of laughter, nothing can stand.
Mark TwainIt is noble to teach oneself, but still nobler to teach others--and less trouble. - speech, 1906
Mark TwainAge is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.
Mark TwainCauliflower is nothing but Cabbage with a College Education.
Mark TwainWork and play are words used to describe the same thing under differing conditions.
Mark TwainIt is discouraging to try and penetrate a mind like yours. You ought to get it out and dance on it. That would take some of the rigidity out of it.
Mark TwainWrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been.
Mark TwainThe billiard table is better than the doctor.
Mark TwainA banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain.
Mark TwainBarring that natural expression of villainy which we all have, the man looked honest enough.
Mark TwainAlways acknowledge a fault. This will throw those in authority off their guard and give you an opportunity to commit more.
Mark TwainClothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
Mark TwainA man cannot be comfortable without his own approval.
Mark TwainHonesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.
Mark TwainHumor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
Mark TwainDon't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.
Mark TwainGrief can take care of itself, but to get the full value of a joy you must have somebody to divide it with.
Mark TwainI have never taken any exercise except sleeping and resting.
Mark TwainIn Paris they simply stared when I spoke to them in French I never did succeed in making those idiots understand their language.
Mark TwainI didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying that I approved of it.
Mark TwainI don't give a damn for a man that can only spell a word one way.
Mark TwainIn religion and politics, people's beliefs and convictions are in almost every case gotten at second hand, and without examination.
Mark TwainIt could probably be shown by facts and figures that there is no distinctly American criminal class except Congress.
Mark TwainIt is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.
Mark TwainJust the omission of Jane Austen's books alone would make a fairly good library out of a library that hadn't a book in it.
Mark TwainIt usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.
Mark TwainIt is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare.
Mark TwainIt was wonderful to find America, but it would have been more wonderful to miss it.
Mark TwainMost people are bothered by those passages of Scripture they do not understand, but the passages that bother me are those I do understand.
Mark TwainMy mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it.
Mark TwainOften it does seem a pity that Noah and his party did not miss the boat.
Mark TwainPart of the secret of success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside.
Mark TwainTime cools, time clarifies no mood can be maintained quite unaltered through the course of hours.
Mark TwainThere is something fascinating about science. One gets such wholesale returns of conjecture out of such a trifling investment of fact.
Mark TwainThe right word may be effective, but no word was ever as effective as a rightly timed pause.
Mark TwainThere are people who strictly deprive themselves of each and every eatable, drinkable, and smokable which has in any way acquired a shady reputation. They pay this price for health. And health is all they get for it. How strange it is. It is like paying out your whole fortune for a cow that has gone dry.
Mark TwainThe worst loneliness is not to be comfortable with yourself.
Mark TwainWater, taken in moderation, cannot hurt anybody.
Mark TwainUnder certain circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer.
Mark TwainWhen you cannot get a compliment any other way pay yourself one.
Mark TwainI cannot call to mind a single instance where I have ever been irreverent, except toward the things which were sacred to other people.
Mark TwainThe radical invents the views. When he has worn them out the conservative adopts them.
Mark TwainHe had discovered a great law of human action, without knowing it - namely, that in order to make a man or a boy covet a thing, it is only necessary to make the thing difficult to obtain.
Mark TwainWhen in doubt, tell the truth.
Mark TwainWhen I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened or not.
Mark TwainA human being has a natural desire to have more of a good thing than he needs.
Mark TwainThere are several good protections against temptations, but the surest is cowardice.
Mark TwainMan is the Only Animal that Blushes. Or needs to.
Mark TwainThe history of our race, and each individual's experience, are sown thick with evidence that a truth is not hard to kill and that a lie told well is immortal.
Mark TwainThe universal brotherhood of man is our most precious possession.
Mark TwainWe are always more anxious to be distinguished for a talent which we do not possess, than to be praised for the fifteen which we do possess.
Mark TwainSane and intelligent human beings are like all other human beings, and carefully and cautiously and diligently conceal their private real opinions from the world and give out fictitious ones in their stead for general consumption.
Mark TwainWhen a person cannot deceive himself the chances are against his being able to deceive other people.
Mark TwainThe radical of one century is the conservative of the next. The radical invents the views. When he has worn them out the conservative adopts them.
Mark TwainFamiliarity breeds contempt - and children.
Mark TwainOur opinions do not really blossom into fruition until we have expressed them to someone else.
Mark TwainHow little a thing can make us happy when we feel that we have earned it.
Mark TwainIt was enough to make a body ashamed of the human race.
Mark TwainAn enemy can partly ruin a man, but it takes a good-natured injudicious friend to complete the thing and make it perfect.
Mark TwainTraining is everything. The peach was once a bitter almond cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.
Mark TwainLaws are sand, customs are rock. Laws can be evaded and punishment escaped but an openly transgressed custom brings sure punishment.